In my 20's, I was very thin-skinned. When someone criticized me I would cry--I could not control it. It seemed silly to me, but I cried anyway. I wanted to tell others not to take it seriously; I wasn't really that upset. It was just an involuntary reaction, like a nervous tic. Anyhow, something changed, and I became very thick-skinned. It wasn't that I didn't care, but I became able to handle criticism. I told employers I was thick-skinned, and they could let me know if there was something they didn't like. Then I listened intently, with strong interest, to learn what I could improve. And fixed that.
Thank you for sharing, Esther... I did the same thing... turned into a "tough guy"... worked out, got muscular... put on a persona that I didn't care...
But deep down... I did care, I repressed it... and that caused issues... it wasn't until I went back inside, deep inside, that I was able to reignite the sensitivities and learn to manage them... it was a gift that I suppressed... now, it is a gift I share!
I did NOT turn "tough" at all. Actually, I learned the difference between Self and Behavior. I no longer treat criticism as an attack on my soul, but as information I could use to help others.
Is there a difference between being introverted and HSP? I’ve been reading Susan Cain and other authors to come to an understanding about my introverted nature. (Currently reading Laurie Helgoe’s Introvert Power, which builds a lot on Susan Cain’s work.) It seems to me that introverts share the sensitivity to outside stimuli as HSPs, but HSPs are extremely sensitive.
As an introvert I’ve come to accept my sensitive nature and need for alone time to recharge. But I’ve also had to learn to develop my extroverted side in order to interact positively with others and make myself heard when necessary. I’m probably more of an ambivert now, but that’s by training than nature.
Yes, being introverted means you refuel by being alone (extroverts, the opposite), while being a HSP means you process sensory and emotional input more deeply. However, though the two traits often overlap.
One can accept/integrate their sensitive nature as either an introvert or extrovert (or hybrid intro/extro, which I am). Ambivert, I like that... that it what I am, I was raised in a strongly extroverted home, I had no choice.
I have thought much about "thin-skinned" since reading this. I had an experience many in this group need to know about. In my 20's, I would cry when anyone criticized me. I felt like an idiot, I was not really that distressed, but it was as involuntary as a facial tic. By my 30's, I was telling employers I was thick-skinned, so they could speak frankly to me about whatever they wanted me to fix. There was a change in attitude with this. I no longer regarded a criticism as a spear driving into my body. It was Information, and I am fascinated by information. The critic is informing me as to how I could make his world better, and I LOVE to make things better! I listen with strong attention and interest--and that is also a blessing, because people love to be heard.
Great story... you are absolutely right... people want to feel heard. More times than not, people speak past one another. As someone is speaking, others start forming their response before even hearing everything that the person has to say. Thereby not really listening to all that is being said. Great comments, Esther!
Insightful. I was introduced to the term HSP 4 years ago. I finally understood why I am the way that I am. Learning to navigate life as a HSP can still be a challenge. I’m learning to give myself a lot of grace.
Never too late for that. I am actually relieved about it. I could never figure out what was going on with my mind, my body and my heart. Thank you so very much.
Oof. Wow. I am so glad I discovered this! I've known I was an HSP since my 20s, but didn't really "do" anything about it until a couple of years ago, when I decided to realign my business to serve so-called "justice sensitive" HSPs.
I'm in my late 40s now, and so much of Daniel's journey reflected and resonated with me, especially the early years. Thank you so much for writing this. I'm going to read Part 2 right now!
Discovering The Highly Sensitive Person in my early 20's was a game changer. When I started dating my now husband, I noticed the book on. his nightstand and knew he was the one for me. Fast forward 25 years, and I have been a practicing acupuncturist for almost 20 years, don't participate in social media and surround myself with people who make my nervous system feel calm and not dysregulated. To me, being an HPS/empath is such a gift as well as how I serve humanity. My kids, especially. my daughter, are HSP's as well. So we have an HSP household and we hopefully have modeled how to work whit this as a power and not a hinderance. It's interesting, because all our sensitivities show up differently, so what some of us can and won't to do, others don't. So it's a journey, figuring out who we all are and what situations we thrive in or don't. So much nuance even within the 'HSP world!". Thanks for doing this series, I'll enjoy following it!
Grateful and looking forward to rest of this series…I. Really am
Thank you, Amy... I look forward as well... it is cathartic for me to put this all in writing...
In my 20's, I was very thin-skinned. When someone criticized me I would cry--I could not control it. It seemed silly to me, but I cried anyway. I wanted to tell others not to take it seriously; I wasn't really that upset. It was just an involuntary reaction, like a nervous tic. Anyhow, something changed, and I became very thick-skinned. It wasn't that I didn't care, but I became able to handle criticism. I told employers I was thick-skinned, and they could let me know if there was something they didn't like. Then I listened intently, with strong interest, to learn what I could improve. And fixed that.
Some of you will find this useful.
Thank you for sharing, Esther... I did the same thing... turned into a "tough guy"... worked out, got muscular... put on a persona that I didn't care...
But deep down... I did care, I repressed it... and that caused issues... it wasn't until I went back inside, deep inside, that I was able to reignite the sensitivities and learn to manage them... it was a gift that I suppressed... now, it is a gift I share!
I did NOT turn "tough" at all. Actually, I learned the difference between Self and Behavior. I no longer treat criticism as an attack on my soul, but as information I could use to help others.
That is awesome, Esther!
Is there a difference between being introverted and HSP? I’ve been reading Susan Cain and other authors to come to an understanding about my introverted nature. (Currently reading Laurie Helgoe’s Introvert Power, which builds a lot on Susan Cain’s work.) It seems to me that introverts share the sensitivity to outside stimuli as HSPs, but HSPs are extremely sensitive.
As an introvert I’ve come to accept my sensitive nature and need for alone time to recharge. But I’ve also had to learn to develop my extroverted side in order to interact positively with others and make myself heard when necessary. I’m probably more of an ambivert now, but that’s by training than nature.
Yes, being introverted means you refuel by being alone (extroverts, the opposite), while being a HSP means you process sensory and emotional input more deeply. However, though the two traits often overlap.
One can accept/integrate their sensitive nature as either an introvert or extrovert (or hybrid intro/extro, which I am). Ambivert, I like that... that it what I am, I was raised in a strongly extroverted home, I had no choice.
I have thought much about "thin-skinned" since reading this. I had an experience many in this group need to know about. In my 20's, I would cry when anyone criticized me. I felt like an idiot, I was not really that distressed, but it was as involuntary as a facial tic. By my 30's, I was telling employers I was thick-skinned, so they could speak frankly to me about whatever they wanted me to fix. There was a change in attitude with this. I no longer regarded a criticism as a spear driving into my body. It was Information, and I am fascinated by information. The critic is informing me as to how I could make his world better, and I LOVE to make things better! I listen with strong attention and interest--and that is also a blessing, because people love to be heard.
Great story... you are absolutely right... people want to feel heard. More times than not, people speak past one another. As someone is speaking, others start forming their response before even hearing everything that the person has to say. Thereby not really listening to all that is being said. Great comments, Esther!
Extremely grateful…. Thank you 🙏.
Thank you, Nancy... I am glad you found it helpful.
Insightful. I was introduced to the term HSP 4 years ago. I finally understood why I am the way that I am. Learning to navigate life as a HSP can still be a challenge. I’m learning to give myself a lot of grace.
Miss Behave, curious of your thoughts on next weeks article, it covers Empaths...
You are right, without GRACE, we beat ourselves up... Be Blessed MB!
Looking forward to your next article!
Took 68 years, thank you for this. I am realized finally.
Jenny, I was 45ish when I started to learn... it is never too late, is it?
Never too late for that. I am actually relieved about it. I could never figure out what was going on with my mind, my body and my heart. Thank you so very much.
You're welcome... wait for part 2, it digs a lot deeper...
Oof. Wow. I am so glad I discovered this! I've known I was an HSP since my 20s, but didn't really "do" anything about it until a couple of years ago, when I decided to realign my business to serve so-called "justice sensitive" HSPs.
I'm in my late 40s now, and so much of Daniel's journey reflected and resonated with me, especially the early years. Thank you so much for writing this. I'm going to read Part 2 right now!
Discovering The Highly Sensitive Person in my early 20's was a game changer. When I started dating my now husband, I noticed the book on. his nightstand and knew he was the one for me. Fast forward 25 years, and I have been a practicing acupuncturist for almost 20 years, don't participate in social media and surround myself with people who make my nervous system feel calm and not dysregulated. To me, being an HPS/empath is such a gift as well as how I serve humanity. My kids, especially. my daughter, are HSP's as well. So we have an HSP household and we hopefully have modeled how to work whit this as a power and not a hinderance. It's interesting, because all our sensitivities show up differently, so what some of us can and won't to do, others don't. So it's a journey, figuring out who we all are and what situations we thrive in or don't. So much nuance even within the 'HSP world!". Thanks for doing this series, I'll enjoy following it!
Thank you so much for this! It feels like validation. Excited to enjoy what comes next! ❤️
🙏🏼